Trials and tribulations actually. I’ve been nurturing my asparagus bed now for 5 years and have yet to harvest any. I had done the deep trench thing, added drainage and delicately straddled the octopussy roots over a carefully constructed ridge – all by the book. Then, ‘they’ always say, you have to wait two years for it to establish, after which heavenly abundance will arrive. Not on my plot!

Research tells me that historically asparagus was happily grown on liminal beach dunes, essentially in sand, enriched with a bit of compost and seaweed. Nowhere can I find any encouragement that transplanting asparagus is possible; however, I dug it all up and did my best to create a little bit of seaside in the middle of a Surrey roundabout. Gosh, bags of sand are heavy! Time will tell if it works, but at least then I will know. And if it’s no good next year I will use the space for something that appreciates it more.

The seaweed, by the way, was gathered from above the tide line. I made sure there were no wee beasties stranded in it. I did wonder about attempting quasi-Jersey Royals by also mulching the International Kidneys, but there wasn’t enough.